Skip to main content

should and want

What is the difference between doing something because I "should" and something because I "want to?" We talked about the difference between these two motivations last week in a group discussion. Jon Ortberg holds that "should" does not have the stamina to get you there. Only "want" can do that. "Should" is an auxiliary engine, but can never serve as a long-term primary motivation because "want" will always win out over "should." Will power can give you a long lecture on how you should not eat that second piece of chocolate cherry cake, but if you really want it, you know you will eventually stuff it into your mouth.

"Want" is much stronger than "should." I think that desire might be the most powerful motivating force on the earth. It will win over money. It will wear down "should." It will keep us going long after we have run out of energy. It won't stop in the face of pain, discomfort, or threats. Ask any addict about that. Desire is made to drive us powerfully, but sometimes our desires are not for the right things. The goal of spiritual growth (and maturity of any kind, really) is to turn "shoulds" into "wants." [1] It is no longer that we know we "should" be generous and kind and faithful, but we now "want" to do those things, to be that kind of person. But how does one do that?

I don't like cleaning my house. It is an onerous and unpleasant task, in my books, and I will find the silliest excuses to put off dusting and sweeping the floors. This past week, I had house guests for 4 days. It is one of our greatest pleasures to be able to open our home to people, and we have had a rush of them this past month. The morning that this particular set of guests left, I wasted no time in laundering all the bedding and towels, tidying up the room, and making the bed. I don't know why, but I always like to have the guest room ready and clean it immediately after it has been used.

That evening we had supper with some out-of-town friends, and it became apparent that they were a little crowded staying with their son. Dean immediately suggested that they spend the night at our house. I echoed Dean's invitation, reassuring our friends that I was totally prepared for more guests. And I was. So what makes cleaning the guest room different from general cleaning? Why do I drag me feet over a bit of vacuuming but can't wait to tidy up the guest room? It is because I love the people that God brings through our house. To clean my house is a chore, but to prepare a guest room is an act of love.

Perhaps "should" and "want" can be compared to "fear" and "love." "Should" is a realisation that things will go better for me if I do this certain thing. It focuses more on, "If I don't do this, then x and y will happen." And I don't want x and y to happen. Fear-based motivation. "Want" is pure desire, running in the direction of something, or more correctly, someone. It is not really concerned with trying to avoid certain uncomfortable consequences. If I love God, nothing seems too great a sacrifice to make in order to be with him, to follow him, and to do the things that he does. If I pray or commit myself to a church group or give money or read my Bible because I should, these habits will probably be relatively fruitless and short-lived. But if I do them because I love connecting with God, my whole life will be lived in his communicative presence.

Love makes the difference. It makes me do the right things because I just can't help myself. I want to. I really, really want to.

This is a picture of a cantalope that I want to eat right now!

[1] This idea taken from "The Me I Want To Be" by Jon Ortberg. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

comedic timing

Comic by Joel Micah Harris at xkcd.com One of my favourite jokes goes like this: Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow w--- Moooooooo!! Timing is important in both drama and comedy. A well-paced story draws the audience in and helps it invest in the characters, while a tale too hastily told or too long drawn out will fail to engage anyone. Surprise - something which interrupts the expected - is a creative use of timing and integral to any good story. If someone is reading a novel and everything unfolds in a predictable manner, they will probably wonder why they bothered reading the book. And so it is in life. Having life be predictable all of the time is not as calming as it sounds. We love surprises, especially good surprises like birthday parties, gifts, marriage proposals, and finding something that we thought was lost. Surprises are an important part of humour. A good joke is funny because it goes to a place you didn't expect it to go. Sim
Post a Comment
Read more

soul refrigerator

I went grocery shopping yesterday and came home with three bags of food. After I unpacked them all, this is what my fridge looked like: really empty. How does that happen? How can I feel so full and ready for any food emergency one moment, and after one quick glance, realise that I have nothing, really? Today is one of those days in my soul as well. I woke up with gratitude and fullness in my heart, ready to take on this day and all the wonderful opportunities that it presented. Then I caught a brief glance of some emptiness in my life and bam - my buoyancy was compromised. For the past few hours I have been treading water, trying to keep my head in a positive space, bobbing in and out of disappointment, and catching myself whining with pathetic indignity at the cement blocks of other people's stupidity that are tangled around my ankles. When I am staring at the empty refrigerator of my soul, these are my thoughts. Where do I go from here? Perhaps I should slam that refrigerator
1 comment
Read more

Names of God

The Hebrew word "YHWH" (read from right to left) This past Sunday I gave a talk on the Names of God, the beginning of a series on this topic. This first talk was to be a gentle introduction so I thought it wouldn't take too many hours of preparation. Well, I quickly discovered that the research is almost bottomless; every time I thought I had a somewhat definitive list of names, I found another source which added a few more or gave a different twist on some of the names I had already come across. After several hours I was getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of data (and that was only looking at the Hebrew Bible). I wondered how I could present this to people in an orderly and accessible fashion and within a reasonable time frame. Not everyone is up for a 3-hour lecture crammed full of detail on a Sunday morning. So I took a break and spent a bit of time meditating on this problem and asking the Spirit for guidance. And then I thought that being overwhelmed by Go
3 comments
Read more